I give and take – two concepts, both familiar and so misunderstood. In life, there is giving, offering, helping, caring and taking, receiving help, caring, loving. But why are some of us so afraid to “give” or “give” to others? Why do some of us, even though we are continually offering, find it difficult to accept what others offer us?
The relationship between two people can be likened to the game of tug-of-war – with success/goal here being synonymous with maintaining the absolute balance between the two players – the middle of the rope is always kept at an equal distance from each other. When only one player pulls the rope – always giving – while the other player remains still and idle – he gives nothing – the first player may find himself on the ground and hurt from the fall. For example, people remain committed to relationships they “give” constantly, without accepting anything at all, ending up empty internally since they have “given” themselves in the end.
Everything is balance: To be physically and mentally healthy, we need to have a balance in everything; the same goes for the relationships we create with those around us. For the couple to have mental/spiritual well-being, there needs to be a balance between what they offer and what they accept from each other. Concerning the subject-matter of conciliation in the relationship, it must not be limited solely to the retribution of the act itself. Still, it must take the character of a more general ‘offer’ action towards each other by recognizing its contribution to the couple’s common life. In this way, meaningful communication and complementary relationships will be established where one is satisfied and satisfy the other.
There will undoubtedly be periods when one can offer more than the other due to various special circumstances/situations. Still, the balance needs to be restored in the immediate or distant future. For example, in the parent-child relationship, in the early years of the child’s life, the parent offers much more. Still, when the child comes of age, he will offer his help to the parent, who, growing up, may find it challenging to meet some practical needs.
On the other hand, in companionship, it often happens that one person continually retreats not to upset the other. Still, the balance is gradually lost and difficult to restore, as he loses his sense of completeness since he permanently sacrifices his own “wants,” his own needs, and ultimately his own “is” for the sake of the other person. Therefore, it is good to externalize our desires and needs to our people without necessarily asking in this way directly/ indirectly for their satisfaction, but at the same time to listen to what the other has to “tell” us with his behavior by discussing together on a zero basis their mutual satisfaction.
Of course, there are cases in which we can offer too many things in a relationship, and all we “receive” is the moral satisfaction of the offer, but it is not bad and sometimes “to do good and throw it in the way.”
Therefore, to balance the rope for relations to be harmonious and balanced, it needs mutual acceptance, mutual offer, and acceptance, each of course in the field, in the situation, and at the time it can.