“Men fail in the role of father. They are not very interested in the education of children and grant this right entirely to the mother. And if children create a situation that inspires concerns, men react with voices and only cause more harm.”
That is a category that is heard quite often, not only by women but also by experts.
Bodamer mentions two types of fathers, often found in our society. These two types are:
1. The spasmodic authoritarian. Father’s authoritarian disposition is a remnant of the old patriarchal attitude, which he may have inherited from his father. This type is domineeringly imposed on the woman and his children, resulting in neurotic and phobic reactions on their part.
2. The guy who pretends to be a seemingly male authoritarian. We usually meet him in couples, where the smart woman behaves as if recognizing his dominant and decisive role. In fact, she is the one who raises, educates, teaches the children, and takes every responsibility.
In the first type of father, his patriarchal and authoritarian ideas for the lawsuit failed miserably. Many men of today’s age can’t understand that the world has changed. The conditions of life have become complex and multifaceted. The old principles have faded and cannot adapt to new requirements that are much more demanding and complex.
The second type of father is “Bubble-Father.” Once he comes home, there is an atmosphere of fear and dysthymia. Women with such husbands bully their children with the phrases: “Wait for your father to come back, and you’ll see what happens.” In the end, this type of father loses all respect on the part of his children when they grow up.
Children feel the need to see the authority in their father’s face, the power that can guide them. When they diagnose uncertainty and contradictions in paternal status, they also become uncertain.
The silent father
Experts on children’s education problems blame, for the most part, the “missing father”; the father who exists and yet does not exist. This type of father is possessed by a feeling of uncertainty and unsatisfied about his person, which is why he continually strives to impose himself in his professional employment and improve his financial situation. Thus, he has no free time to fulfill his duties as a father and as a teacher.
Competition between father and son
Opposite his son, every father adopts a two-sided attitude. On the one hand, the son must achieve something in life – and if possible, more than the father. Here, fathers tend to direct their sons to fulfill their great expectations, as they have not realized them. On the other hand, the father is afraid of his son – often unconsciously – because he sees a competitor in his face. That is true even when the son is not following his father’s professional direction.
Father and daughter
The father’s relationship with the daughter presents a particular tension. In the little girl’s eyes, her father is “the man.”
“I’m going to marry my dad,” says the four-year-old girl often. The 14-year-old girl rehearses her female coquetry before her father and waits for him to be recognized first. The father is a harmless object, which is why the daughter ventures so many things she can’t do with her peers or with foreign men.
In most girls, when they think about their future husbands, their father’s characteristic image is inserted. When this image is “blurred,” because the father played an invisible role in the family, the girls mostly ask as husbands an elderly man. In other words, they ask the man to fill the father’s void.
Special duties of the father
Like any mother, every father should know that only up to a certain age do they have the right to influence their children. But when the time is right, they must be released. The young man must feel free to develop his initiatives and take responsibility for his actions.
One of the many tasks a father has to his children is to help children gradually free themselves from family bonding.
The right to paternity and maternity also creates the corresponding tasks. The newborn child needs help. First, he needs care. That’s why the woman should make sure to bring her husband into contact with her newborn child. This father-child contact will help the man truly understand what help this baby needs. That’s how the man’s protective instincts wake up. The role of the father should be developed in the man.
With first aid starting, either by giving the child milk or changing a diaper, the man feels closer to his child.
Who’s the “ideal” father after all?
The ideal type of father is the man who approaches his children without inspiring them with fear; advises them, without pretending to be omniscient. It gains their trust, not by taking the place of the “respected father,” but by discussing their problems and even by telling them personally his youthful mistakes and experiences. He’s not afraid that this way he’ll lose the respect of his children. Usually, the father is the one who consolidates in the child’s soul the feeling of safety. He is considered the protector and defender of the family.
Today, we know that for a child’s healthy physical, mental and mental development, the care and multifaceted contribution of the father is necessary.
The link, which unites the close family world with the great and vast world of life, is the father. And not only does he connect, but he also protects his children to go the way they should without fear until they gain the power that will allow them to spread their wings on their own.
The ideal father is like the shadow: silent and ubiquitous. A father who trusts his child, and the child trusts him as well. A father is good when he will not interfere when the child does not want to explain to him and remain silent, patiently, until the time is right. The ideal is the father who leaves the reins free, seemingly at least, and who is present when called “quietly” by his child to help.
Father and mother are equal, and both have obligations towards their children. Each must assume its role to make cohabitation smooth. Both will contribute to complementing each other, a factor necessary for the harmony of marriage. And when the parents fulfill these roles, then the idea of order and real social cohabitation develops in the child.
Oswalt Colle, Ton enfant cet inconnu