It is so difficult for many parents to talk to children about what is happening between them, to deal with their looks, reactions, and feelings, who prefer not to say anything until the eve or even the day of departure.
You can facilitate the discussion for both you and the children by preparing before talking to the children. If you can anticipate difficult questions, deal with your concerns in advance, and carefully plan what you should tell them, you’ll be better equipped to help kids manage the news.
Separation is a considerable change in the child’s life, and he has a right to prepare for it. It is better to talk to the children as soon as possible, even about the hesitations we have, and above all to listen to them. First, talk about you and your feelings. Do not rush to announce the news directly. Do not hesitate to cry together, but do not rely on them to comfort you. Please don’t rush to answer questions that the kids haven’t asked and haven’t asked themselves yet. Give them time to process the new information.
Speak openly and honestly; the child will feel safe because he will realize that you are counting on him, you inform him, and that his feelings are respected and accepted. He will not experience divorce as a hasty and incomprehensible decision. Your children have a right to know the reasons why you are getting divorced, but lengthy explanations may tire them; say something honest and straightforward, such as “We can no longer agree,” “The bad times between us are much more than beautiful anymore.”
Inform about the changes that are going to happen. Catch your children’s questions about the changes that will occur in their lives, recognizing that some things will be different now and others will remain as they were. Let them know that you will deal with any issue that may arise.
Avoid accusations. It is vital to be honest with children, but without criticizing your spouse. That can be quite difficult, especially when painful events such as infidelity have preceded them, but you can avoid the blame game with a little diplomacy.
There may be a feeling of guilt towards children; we fear that divorce will destroy their mental world. When parents have made many attempts at reconciliation without success, divorce can be liberating for all. What is required for the divorce to be experienced as smoothly as possible is to take place in a climate of communication and mutual respect, maintained in the future.
