Many parents whose decision to start a family leads to a complete renunciation of their personal needs and desires, alienation from their partner and, ultimately, from themselves. Among the children’s arrival, parents dedicate themselves exclusively to their upbringing and education, devoting most of their time to them. Their children are the first and only priority and, this is why they make countless sacrifices. They are cut off from their friends, neglect their personal needs, devote almost no time to themselves or activities they had before creating a family and have neither the time nor the mood to build the couple’s relationship.
In many cases, this condition can gradually lead to alienation between the couple, the consequences of which usually become apparent after the future absence of the children from home due to studies, work or, starting a new family.
Subconsciously children feel guilty about their parents’ “misery”. Even if they never expressed it in words, parents show this sense of sacrifice through their attitude and mood, how they speak and behave,. Children have the magical ability to mirror their parents, so they may also become more irritable, nervous or melancholy, thus reflecting their parents’ mental mood.
Despite the reasonable and clear priority of meeting the children’s needs, parents need to dedicate time exclusively for themselves and the couple. They might have reduced time, but it can be beneficial and “therapeutic” for their mental health. It can change their mood, renew them, and fill them with the energy to continue their multifaceted work as parents. By devoting time to their personal needs and desires and changing “performances”, parents will have an elevated mood, appetite, and above all, patience to face any issues or difficulties that arise.
The same applies to mothers of single-parent families who neglect – usually – entirely the issue of companionship and personal care “for the sake” of children. In reality, however, children want to see their mother happy.
It would be good, then, as parents to try to maintain a balance between our children’s needs and our own. After all, if the parents are calm and happy, then the children are delighted too.